Sometimes, I think that friendship with Russia would be the easiest fucking thing.

We are literally one Transformers movie away from most Americans being ready to accept Russians as their best pals.

Imagine the scene: Downtown Gotham. The regular Autobot heroes are in trouble, surrounded by the Decepticons and pinned down.

Then all of a sudden, reinforcements come leaping into the frame – a fucking white, red and blue tank firing shells goes off a ramp, lets off a few more rounds mid-air and then starts the whole transformation thing as it barrels for Starscream and dropkicks him into the Wall St. stock exchange.

Here watch this to get into the whole spirit of the movie:

POW! As the smoke clears, the Autobots recognize their long lost friend, Commukon, who abandoned the fight and went underground in Siberia decades ago.

“I’m bek in ze fight!” he says with a thick, guttural robot Russian accent.

The Autobots seize the opportunity and start fighting again with renewed vigor. Working together, Commukon and Optimus start taking down Megatron.

Megatron, however, reveals his secret weapon, a hidden gun turret or something.

Exchanging a quick, but powerful glance, the two hero Autobots spring into action, trusting each other completely. Optimus peels left and Megatron starts aiming his turret at him as he runs between skyscrapers.

“Now I’ve got you!” he says with his metallic voice.

Just as his weapon powers up to 100% though, Commukon appears from behind a skyscraper on the other side of Megatron. He jumps, and everything switches to slow-mo. His shadow alerts Megatron, who starts turning slowly, but it’s too late. Commukon reveals his hidden secret weapon, a rusty scythe-like looking weapon. It cleaves through Megatron’s gun turret at the last second, causing it to explode on Megatron and Commukon.

The shocked onlookers of Gotham are swept up in the blast wave from the explosion.

Optimus Prime approaches the smoldering wreck of Megatron and says something hero-y, “now your reign of terror is over Megatron.”

Megatron coughs and groans and fizzles and lets off sparks in response.

Then Optimus runs over to Commukon, who is lying in the blast crater, wounded. His armor is all rusty and banged up, he isn’t in the best shape, even from before the blast. The blast has revealed an older, blood-red coat of paint, mixed with yellow. But Commukon has clearly opted for a new coat of arms, the white red and blue.

“Old friend,” he begins, but starts hacking and coughing and oil starts pouring out. “Shh,” Optimus interrupts.

But Commukon insists. “I lost my vay, moy frend. But I just hed to hyelp zis time. Von lest tiem.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Commukon,” Optimus says. “Everything is going to be alright now.”

Cue swelling music as they clasp hands and Optimus pulls Commukon to his feet, throwing his arm over his shoulder to prop him up as they surveil the ruins of the city and the denizens who haven’t been squished start cheering.

A giant American flag gets unfurled down the entire length of the Empire State building. A cut scene to Moscow, where people are cheering on Commukon in the Red Square as well.

“Now, there shall be peace!” Optimus says to the camera.

FIN.

So there’s my pitch.

I think that overnight, Russians and Americans would be friends. Maybe not the politicians, but definitely the regular people. That’s literally all it would take. One symbolic Transformers movie, and we’ll have world peace.

Is that too much to ask from Hollywood?

Well, it turns out people who enjoy watching gigantic robots fight each other are not the same sort of people who like being lectured by uppity little spic skanks.

Transformers 5 released a first trailer which mainly featured a greasy and empowered jailbait wetback lecturing males.

Bulletpoint summary:

• Beta nice guy is trying to get up on that, wetbackess humilities him in front of his friends (man-shaming, he was just being nice, she could have politely lied about having a boyfriend)
• Wetbackess gives lecture about how people oppressed her because she’s a girl
• Wetbackess is stronk
• Mark Wahlberg calls her “little J-Lo” (racism?)
• “Yeah, I fight like a girl – don’t you?” (this means girls fight gigantic robots better than men… I think)
• Final 25% is robot stuff

Pictorial summary of the trailer:

Presumably, people reacted to this first trailer like, “what in the fuck is this shit? I am trying to watch gigantic robots fight one another, not get lectured by some uppity jailbait spic.”

From the skank’s Wikipedia page:

Isabela Moner was born in Cleveland, Ohio. She is the daughter of Katherine, who was born in Lima, Peru, and Patrick Moner, who was born in Louisiana. Moner has stated that she considers herself more Peruvian than American.

wew.

No doubt due to overwhelming negative feedback, they released a second trailer that doesn’t hardly feature the skank at all – certainly no “empowered” bits – and instead has Anthony Hopkins somehow relating the gigantic robots to Camelot and King Arthur. Also, Optimus Prime has a moral dilemma regarding whether to save Earth or Cybertron. It’s non-stop robots, explosions AND medieval battles.

Bulletpoint summary:

• FUCK YEAH ROBOTS, EXPLOSIONS, GIRLS AND MEDIEVAL SWORDs SHIT YEAH!

Pictorial summary:

Instead of getting a feminist lecture from the skank, we get jiggling titties.

[Editor’s Note: this happens at 00:50 in the above clip – put it on slow-mo, this is some serious bouncing – like, they look like implants. Wikipedia says she’s 15 now, so she probably would have been 14 when it was filmed and she would have had to have had the surgery at least a couple months before – would that be a scandal? A 14-year-old getting breast implants for a Transformers film? (Probably not, it wasn’t a scandal 20 years ago when Brittany Spears’ mom made her get implants at 16.) Also, could be CGI. I don’t know. What I do know is that the focus of this two seconds of footage is on bouncing breasts in a low cut shirt which seem oversized for a 14-year-old and bounce in an exaggerated fashion. nb4 moralfag says “oh Anglin you perv talking about 14-year-old wetbackess’ titties” – I didn’t make this film. You’re going to have to take that argument up with Michael Bay (yes, he is Jewish).]

Also, an attractive white female is introduced, who doesn’t give a lecture.

Also, a lot more Mark Wahlberg – who everybody likes – than the first trailer (in the first trailer, he was just getting bullied by the empowered wetbackess).

Also, our male hero gets the girl.

This is to say, the second trailer showed what people want to see in a transformers film – a bunch of robots fighting, stuff blowing up, outer space shit, an attractive female lead – PLUS the added bonus new element of some Camelot swords vs. robots stuff AND Anthony Hopkins.

Transformers movies are not meant to be good, they are meant to be mindless and absurd. They are the type of thing that a lot of people want/need as a coping mechanism in the modern world – a break. The exact opposite of what people want in these films is a feminist lecture.

They are sold to two groups:

• Boys, aged 7-13
• Men, who want to be able to feel like a boy aged 7-13 for two hours in order to get the stress of modern reality lifted off of their shoulders for two hours

And so, troubles.

Hollywood Reporter:

How the mighty bots have fallen.

Paramount and Michael Bay’s Transformers: The Last Knight grossed $69.1 million from 4,069 theaters in its five-day debut at the North American box office, a franchise low and casting doubt on the future of the series. That figure includes a Friday-Sunday take of $45.3 million.

The Last Knight, which Paramount says cost $217 million to make before a major marketing spend, is the latest summer sequel to spring an oil leak, at least in the U.S., coming in 31 percent behind Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014). And it is the first Transformers movie not to open to $100 million or more.

The only explanation for such a massive drop for the fifth installment of such a popular series is the moralizing feminist message in the original trailer, which was distributed much, much wider than the second “OOPS SORRY THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT WE MEANT” trailer.

Everyone knows what these movies are, and there is a group of people – myself included, I ain’t even gonna lie – who enjoy watching these movies for the very simple reason that they are fun for the sake of being fun, and do not have any type of heavy-handed moral message.

But, apparently, we’ve just gone too far into the bottomless pit that everything is being choked out by the smoke.

You can’t have a fun movie with explosions and robots and pre-surgery Megan Fox and instead you have to be socially indoctrinated with Jewish gobbledygook by some nagging jailbait spic.

Addendum

I just want to say here that Megan Fox’ “transformation” (PUN NOT INTENDED) is one of the most horrible things I am aware of a woman ever having done to herself. Seriously, she should have just committed suicide.

Do you guys remember how hot she was in the first one?

I remember thinking “wow, that is one of the best looking women I have ever seen in my life.”

Why did she try to make herself into an IRL plastic version of Betty Boop?

Sick new monster face:

Disgusting cantaloupe tits:

PLUS she covered herself in tattoos that were so awful magazines were literally photoshopping them out!

They’re all like – quotes.

I am 100% against breast implants for the reason that they make it so the woman can’t breastfeed. Women exist to produce babies and nurture. Besides looking nice and cooking food, that is literally the only reason women exist. So effectively, breast implants destroy a woman’s ability to fulfill her primary function. (Interesting Note: If this wetbackess above got them at 14, that would also have been before her breasts were fully grown, which could cause tissue deformity.)

HOWEVER WITH THAT SAID – I can understand why large women with totally flat chests do get implants. I am able to sympathize with such bitches. Although I think actually they can just wear padded bras, as it is effectively the same thing these days. The men who see you naked would probably universally prefer a flat chest to fake breasts, because fake breasts are disgusting outside of clothing. So the only real excuse for fake breasts is low-cut shirts, as far as I can tell.

THAT HAVING BEEN SAID – Megan Fox is 5’4″ and was not totally flat chested. She had breasts that fit her body size. Obviously, no one was bothered by her breast size, because she was starring in multi-million dollar films.

The facial transformation is even more inexplicable.

This is like vandalizing a great work of classic art. She didn’t create her own body, the genes of her ancestors did. Modern women have this whole “MY BODY, MY CHOICE” ideology, but in reality, an individual does not have any innate right to destroy their own body. People, in a society, are the collective property of one another. That’s why suicide is illegal.

They had to cut her out of the Transformer series after her surgery extravaganza because she couldn’t play the same character anymore, and she looked like such a mutant no one would want to see her in a movie anyway.

You don’t even see her anymore, do you?

She went from being the hottest new actress that everyone wanted to see to being nowhere AFTER doing surgery on herself that she thought would make her look BETTER!

The point I am trying to make here is: women are both terminally insecure and terminally stupid.

Which is probably why no one wants to be lectured by them in movies.

The Transformers do in fact have many characteristics of real life Jews.

One can gain a great deal of insight into the Jewish mind by reading their websites and publications. Since these platforms are meant strictly for a Jewish audience, they admit to many things that you would never see talked about in the normal mass media.

Here we see the Jewish Daily Forward publishing a piece by the Jew Nathan Abrams talking about how the robots in the Transformers movies are Jewish. He proves the point by stating that Transformers like Jews have been able to blend into societies by pretending to be something that they’re not.

Jewish Daily Forward:

With the release of the fifth installment of the “Transformers” franchise upon us, it seems like an appropriate time to reveal that they are Jewish. The Transformers are giant robots who can change themselves into everyday objects, including cars, airplanes, trucks and tanks. They excel at mimicry, morphing between machine and robot with chameleon-like ease, perfectly and speedily mimicking human-made cars, trucks and the like. They have evolved their machine disguises as a tactic to move unnoticed among humans, and travel around at will.

Hence, Transformers embody the Jewish experience. It has been the struggle of Jews to blend into, and pass, in western Christian society, to be invisible. The Transformers resemble Woody Allen’s curious creation, Zelig, that nondescript chameleonic Jewish character who is discovered for his remarkable ability to transform himself to resemble anyone he is near. Such mimicry, which surely can be described as “undisciplined,” has long been felt to mark the Jewish condition. For Max Horkheimer and Theodor Adorno, “undisciplined mimicry” was “engraved in the living substance of the dominated and passed down by a process of unconscious imitation in infancy from generation to generation, from the down-at-heel Jew to the rich banker.”

Even more telling is how Abrams admits that Jews use trickery and deception to pretend as if they are part of Western civilization. In other words, he is admitting that Jews have nothing in common with us. It is an admission that Jews operate as subversive enclaves with in our countries.

It is also worth noting that the Transformers themselves are a Jewish creation. HASBRO the company which originally created these robot characters was founded by Jews. This is another fact that Abrams sites.

Underpinning the Transformers is HASBRO’s Jewish history. The robots were invented by HASBRO, a company created by three Jewish brothers named Herman, Hillel and Henry Hassenfeld. They founded Hassenfeld Brothers in Providence, Rhode Island. Initially selling textile remnants, they expanded into pencil boxes and school supplies. In the 1940s, they diversified into plastics, producing toys, introducing the Transformers in the 1980s.

Based on this, it is not a surprise to see that the Transformers have Jewish characteristics. Abrams is actually right on his points but they are points meant strictly for Jewish readers. You would never see a Jew write something like this in the New York Times or the Washington Post. They wouldn’t want the dumb goyim catching on!

At the same time, it also shows the hubris that they have. They are incapable of grasping how these admissions might be perceived by non-Jews.

The good news is that the new Transformers film is doing horribly at the box office. Can’t say that I’m surprised though. The film features some obnoxious spic girl lecturing the audience about feminism and girl power. Who the hell would want to see that for two hours?

Putting the Transformers aside, it is an admitted fact that the Jew acts as a parasite on societies and nations. They use deception in order to achieve their parasitical aims. Jews have openly stated this. It is time for people to understand that their presence in our nations is a major problem.

Transformers, lol.

What horrible trash this is.

How hard is it to just make a movie about gigantic robots fighting?

Why does it have to be political?

There is not even a sexy female lead in this film. Just the spic child. She is the female lead, in a movie that is – presumably – designed for 12 to 17-year-old white boys.

Can’t boys have any entertainment that is just fun sex and violence?

We know it sells.

Why do we deserve to be lectured by this female spic child?