No one likes to see a middle-aged woman crying because there’s no food, but British slang is so stupid I can’t really view them as human. 

Why do they not just shoot hoarders?

You see these pictures of these people rolling out with all the toilet paper.

Are you actually going to tell me that there are people who would mourn the deaths of such fiends?

Reuters:

Britain on Saturday told people who were panic-buying and hoarding food due to the coronavirus outbreak to calm down, pointing to a video on social media showing an exhausted nurse driven to tears by finding shelves bare after her shift.

Shoppers have been emptying the shelves in many supermarkets over the past week, with some wrestling over toilet roll and others hoarding everything from pasta to frozen peas as the government told people to stay home and avoid contact.

A billion pounds ($1.2 billion) of extra food have been squirreled away over the past three weeks, putting massive pressure on supermarkets, environment and food minister George Eustice said.

At a news briefing, he urged people to “be responsible when you shop and think of others”.

The sound effects sent me to a place I’ve never been 😭🤣🤣🤣⚰️ pic.twitter.com/rorSOhZsir

— 🇧🇧 (@rahm3sh) March 17, 2020

“There is more than enough food to go round and our food supply chain is able to expand production to cope with increased demand,” he said.

“Buying more than you need means that others may be left without, and it is making life more difficult for those front-line workers such as our doctors and nurses and NHS (National Health Service) support staff.”

We don’t live in a society, so I guess it’s dumb to expect people to act like we do.

So maybe hoarders have simply transcended the bonds of post-morality morals?

Anyway, even if they are Nietzschean supermen, they still deserve to be shot, simply as a practical matter.

You cannot trust this app.

The right amount of toilet paper for people to have is always going to be as much as they can possibly get.

Daily Mail:

A new website lets users calculate exactly how much toilet paper they’ll need to get through periods of self-isolation during the coronavirus crisis.

As panic buying escalates and empty supermarket shelves becomes a common sight, Got Paper? lets users work out how many rolls to buy for themselves and their family.

The online calculator uses ‘poop’, ‘pee’ and sheet consumption data to give exactly the right amount of bog roll to get them through any length of time under quarantine, ranging from two weeks to one year.

By configuring bodily requirements via a simple interface, Got Paper? aims to reduce panic buying and make people realise they’ve got more than enough supplies.

It’s a trap.

The developer probably wants to stop people from buying toilet paper so he can buy all of that toilet paper for himself.

The site’s developer also hopes the app will encourage those who have filled up their trolley with more than enough toilet roll to share any surplus.

‘I wanted to create something that was going to help the community in what is an incredibly difficult and scary time but also try to add some comic relief to the situation,’ said London-based web developer Dave Stewart, who built the site in just in 24 hours.

‘In times like this it’s important for us to work together and I hope Got Paper? Will help people realise they don’t need to go overboard on stockpiling and encourage everyone to share and help each other where they can.’

Nice try, but no.

People in power know that they have to get as many rolls of toilet paper as humanly possible in order to stay in power.

Look at Boris Johnson, for instance.

Daily Mail:

Camp beds, toilet roll and food stocks were delivered to Downing Street today as Boris Johnson digs in for ‘war’ on coronavirus.

A series of trucks brought supplies to No10, where the PM and officials have been working round the clock as they desperately try to get a grip on the spiralling crisis.

He’s got a pretty sweet toilet paper stash.

The fact is:

The average person uses 3 rolls of toilet paper per day. For a family of 5, that’s 31 rolls a day, or 520 per week. Simple math shows that this is 7,200 rolls per month.

Basically, there is no way you have enough, and the number one thing you need to be doing is figuring out how to get more.

People from all over the world instinctively know that in the post-apocalyptic landscape that will follow the coronavirus outbreak, he who holds the toilet paper will make the rules.

Daily Mail:

Supermarket bosses launched a plea for calm among shoppers yesterday after a wave of panic-buying around the country cleared shelves as people stockpiled for the expected coronavirus epidemic.

The chaotic scenes, with people scrabbling to load up with loo rolls, long-life milk and pasta, have led to rationing by the major shop chains – and triggered alarm in No 10.

The issue has been high on the agenda of Boris Johnson’s COBRA emergency meetings on the crisis, with the Army being readied as a contingency to guard supermarkets and secure food convoys.

More than one third of shoppers have said they are stockpiling produce.

The British Retail Consortium (BRC), which represents most of Britain’s supermarkets, said the rise in demand for certain products was ‘unprecedented outside of the Christmas period’, with the difference that it was focused mainly on ‘hygiene and longer shelf-life food products’.

The rampage has led to extraordinary scenes such as the man from Bath who was pictured wearing a combat-style hazmat suit while carrying 27 toilet rolls out of a shop.

A 56-year-old shopper was mugged for his toilet paper just moments after leaving a store in London as panic about the coronavirus epidemic leads to wide-spread stockpiling.

Dinendra was leaving a Savers store in Harringay, north London, around 3.30pm when someone ran up behind him and snatched one of the two toilet rolls he was carrying.

He was left shaken after the broad-daylight attack and lodged a report with the police – but insists ‘it’s not the value of the toilet roll, its the principle‘.

Dinendra – who only went into the story to buy toilet paper – said: ‘I went to my local savers and bought two packs of toilet rolls. Someone came up from behind and stole one packet in broad daylight.

‘I was shaken and shocked. Is that what we have come to? Its not the value of the toilet roll, its the principle. I’m concerned about the vulnerable people, the elderly. In terms of their health and their emotions as well.’

You have to understand something:

Everyone who isn’t already dead will die soon.

No amount of toilet paper will save you.

There’s been reports of people who survived the infection testing positive again.

Even if you survive the virus ten times, Corona can just keep trying.

Even if a vaccine is developed, Corona can just keep mutating.

There is no escape.

If there is one thing that Australians love, it’s toilet paper.

They just can’t get enough of it.

Women fight in an Australian supermarket over toilet paper. Fears over the coronavirus are causing Australians to panic and stock-up on basic supplies. pic.twitter.com/p8gYBQLWEA

— Andy Ngo (@MrAndyNgo) March 7, 2020

Australians really are a bunch of savages.

Are they planning to catch the flu with their anus?😧 pic.twitter.com/xuiHiiIwNk

— Bubette Salam (@BubetteS) March 7, 2020

Imagine using toilet paper in 2020, given all that we know about how disgusting it is to rub poop all over your butt instead of cleaning your butthole like a civilized creature.

Get woke, get civilized, clean your asshole like a civilized person.

Besides being actually hygienic and civilized, that hose will save you hundreds of dollars a year.

And what about the warming globe?

Why is Greta not even on this?

In a lot of European countries, you have something called a bidet. It’s a groovy spot to wash your butthole with water after a defecation act.

Not in America though.

Daily Mail:

Americans use more toilet paper than anyone else in the world, with manufacturing practices by US companies that destroy the habitats of native people who live where it is sourced and contribute to global warming, a new research study has showed.

US consumers use roughly three rolls of toilet paper each week, accounting for one-fifth of the world’s tissue consumption, according to the report titled ‘The Issue With Tissue: How Americans are Flushing Forests Down the Toilet’ by environmental groups Stand.earth and Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC).

Look, I hate Canada as much as the next American and feel joy when they suffer.

But let’s face facts here. Three rolls of toilet paper each week is excessive AF.

I’m tempted to make a joke about obesity and shitty food leading to continual sharting, but I just can’t.

Well, just one spurdo I guess.

I’m still stuck on the 3 rolls a week stat. How does someone shit/use that much tp in a week? It’s absurd.

And I think we all know who is to blame.

No wonder Boomers have to reverse mortgage their houses! It all makes sense now! They’re spending all their money on triple-ply extra soft toilet paper!

See, my generation can’t afford that. We have to use water to clean our asses or when there’s no shower or bidet nearby, we just man up and use our hands or the local WalMart.

I spent my formative years using my left hand to save up enough money to continue being able to afford avocado toast in the mornings.

Single-use tissue products such as toilet paper used in the United States are made from wood pulp, mostly derived from logging in the old-growth northern, or boreal, forest in Canada, where logging companies clear cut more than a million acres (405,000 hectares) every year, the he US-based nonprofit advocacy group NRDC said.

This is problematic for a variety of environmental reasons, including the ways in which it contributes to climate change.

The worst offenders are the brands of Charmin Ultra Soft, Quilted Northern, Angel Soft, Kirkland Signature and Up&Up Soft & Strong toilet tissues, according to the report.

On a more serious note, this is an example of a real green cause that I can get behind.

Plastics in the ocean, smog in the cities and environmental destruction are real and serious causes. All of them have been thrown under the bus in favor of Global Warming. On some level this makes sense – Global Warming scam artists claim that the world will end in X amount of years (whereby X changes every 5 years).

Other environmental causes don’t the same emotional impact. 

Pointing out that the seas are filling up with Chink plastic and that the bees are dying or that the rainforest is being systematically destroyed used to be vogue. But it’s all being drowned out by the Global Warming agenda.

No other environmental cause can compete.

Furthermore, companies stand to lose a lot of money on actual environmental causes and not the Global Warming scam.

The toilet paper thing can be solved with Americans adopting one simple device.

It would save people a lot of money and help everyone have a cleaner ass.

But I know in my heart of hearts that it’s too Yuropeen and reeks of socialism too much for most Americans to even consider the possibility.

Instead, they’ll continue destroying forests so they can smear their poop all over their buttcheeks instead of hygienically removing it.

Look, here’s the thing. 

There’s no way in hell a country as rich as Venezuela could not afford to feed its people and wipe their asses with double-plush even if it went 100% retard with the Communism thing.

But how do you go about doing that?

Like, I’m talking nuts and bolts here. Because this is where you run into the problem that all small countries who don’t play ball with ZOG run into. For decades, Venezuela, like most South American countries, focused on exports and a specialized economy.

They sold coffee and whatever else, I don’t know, bananas probably to the US then they turned right around and bought actual food and other manufactured goods with that money. When they started pumping oil, they started doing the same thing with oil as well. It was a sweet deal for the big companies who sold the raw materials and then who sold the manufactured materials right back.

And if they got uppity, America was ready to fight wars over those bananas.

But when Venezuela partially nationalized its oil under Chavez, they started running into problems because they were part of an integrated market chain. All it took was for some sanctions to be put on them by Washington for their ability to trade oil (this time on more favorable terms, for higher prices) for food to vanish. And not just food, but other products like the much-vaunted toilet paper that we hear so much about.

They couldn’t get any of it anymore – which is why you have this:

The problem is that Venezuela doesn’t produce anything.

It’s basically just a gas station.

It would literally take decades and probably a 5-point nationwide increase in average IQ to get all these industries up and running.

And there are very few countries in the world that can run at full autarky – which means not participating in the whole market chain set up by the big companies and the international merchant class. These countries have to be very big and even then, they struggle because of the lack of specialization and lack of expertise.

Off the top of my head, these exceptional countries are China, Russia, the United States and maybe Iran.

Speaking of Russia, at the time of the Crimean crisis, Russia got slapped with sanctions that were quite similar to the ones that Venezuela has been struggling under. And after the looting of the economy by Washington-backed Jewish thugs-turned-oligarchs, Russia had basically lost most of its domestic industry. It was all dismantled and sold off for pennies to vultures.

So when Putin took over from that disgusting drunk Boris Yeltsin, Russia was also basically reduced to being a gas station. Or, to put it in neoliberal terms, Russia was integrated into the world economy. The deal was simple: Russia provided cheap gas and oil and bought American and German goods with that money. Just like Venezuela. Similarly, when the food sanctions hit in 2014 as punishment for Crimea, prices on basic stuff, not just food, but razors and toilet paper and just about everything JUMPED.

The Neocons thought that the severe reduction in the Russian people’s purchasing power would stir discontent against Putin and pave the way for a color revolution.

However, this did not occur (yet) and despite the high food prices, and the attacks on Russia’s financial system and ability to do business, Putin didn’t budge and instead started planning for autarky. Money was allocated for domestic industry to kickstart again, and it’s finally bearing fruit (literally). Russia is now an agricultural powerhouse as well. There’s still a ways to go to reviving Russia’s domestic industries, but the neocon plan backfired because Russia is too big and Putin too determined to never again let Russia be so utterly humiliated.

Not all countries can do this though.

Venezuela can’t. It will need the backing of a non-hostile foreign power to be able to feed itself at this point. In fact, Russia has already started sending Venezuela thousands of tons of food.

If Maduro survives this whole thing, the food problems will abate because he’ll cut a deal with Russia, who will be all too happy to offload all its newly-grown wheat in Venezuela.

Now, about the Communism thing.

Yes, the whole Communism thing is retarded, but just fucking listen to me for a second here.

Chavez promised to redistribute oil money and to massively subsidize basic consumer goods.

He won a lot of support that way and then he went ahead and did just that when he took power. But there’s a problem when official prices for food and other stuff is lower than the market cost. For one, merchants with money buy up all the cheap stuff and then resell it on the black market at a price closer to the actual cost.

This is why you have these raids on people hoarding toilet paper. It’s easy to point and laugh, I know. But when you realize that the people getting raided are the ones who are buying up cheap, subsidized products to re-sell on the black market at a mark-up once they’ve gobbled up all the stuff intended for poor peasants, you realize why Venezuela has instituted Toilet Paper Death Squads.

When you have a command economy with state-set prices, the more… let’s just say, enterprising members of society can easily exploit that system. So can neighboring countries if they’re hostile.

All this is to say that it wouldn’t really matter if Venezuela was capitalist.

The problems that Venezuela would face under a free market system would be quite similar.

Yes, prices for goods like toilet paper would adjust to their actual market value, so you’d have full stores again, but they’d be too expensive for most people to afford because of low supply.

Less supply means a higher price

Sanctioned Venezuela has a hard time buying manufactured goods from abroad and can’t make their own stuff, remember?

Toilet paper would be smuggled into Venezuela through the black market and would be expensive AF because of that.

At which point, Venezuelan peasants would just start stealing the toilet paper.

And then companies would have to hire private guards to protect their goods.

Which brings us back round to this:

Only, it’s not the army in this scenario, but some company’s personal rent-a-cop.

So really, what’s the difference? 

This whole argument that we should support the overthrow of Venezuela’s government because they’ve got an inefficient toilet paper distribution system in their country is retarded and Boomer-tier and I’m fucking sick of it.

Nunna it matters so just drop that shit already.