Whatever else happens in the world, I will always have these fond memories of watching Russians kill Somali pirates with heavy weapons.

Even if  America is overrun by Somali pirates and capitulates to their demands, I will always remember these videos.

Patch:

Chipotle said it has fired the manager of a St. Paul location after a series of videos posted to Twitter showed that a group of young black men were refused service at the restaurant unless they could show that they had money for the meal. According to Chipotle, the manager at the restaurant thought the group were customers from a couple nights ago who were not able to pay for their food.

The videos posted to Twitter by Masud Ali on Friday showed a female employee telling the group that they have to pay because they never have money when they come to the location. Employees behind the counter ignore the group as they wait to be served and the men in the group accuse the employees of stereotyping them.

“We’re not gonna make food unless you guys actually have money,” one employee is heard telling the group. The same employee suggests the store could call the police and the group can be heard and seen getting angry at the situation.

The video then shows a white customer enter the restaurant. The staff appear to compensate the woman’s meal and apologize to her.

Note how this employee said “we’ve seen you guys come in twice” and later say he never saw us in his entire life….. calling the police on loyal customers is super disrespectful and uncalled for. This unacceptable and I don’t appreciate these employees making false accusations. pic.twitter.com/5DhAQ2PcPT

— Masud Ali 🍑 (@Masudaliii) November 16, 2018

Notice how they complete ignored our proof of income. @ChipotleTweets I need answers.
We show you proof of income because we were getting hungry and still didn’t get serve. Makes me wonder if I was ever going to get served from the beginning. pic.twitter.com/DVAVUIiVUN

— Masud Ali 🍑 (@Masudaliii) November 16, 2018

When you claim to be victims of racism on social media, but use the account where you brag about stealing food. pic.twitter.com/0yZQ2ecrGB

— НинаЗерг (@zergbitch) November 17, 2018

The official Chipotle Twitter account responded directly to Ali and said this is not how Chipotle employees should treat customers.

…

“We are committed to treating all of our customers fairly and with respect,” Chipotle said in the statement. “Regarding what happened at the St. Paul restaurant, the manager thought these gentlemen were the same customers from Tuesday night who weren’t able to pay for their meal.

“Regardless, this is not how we treat our customers and as a result, the manager has been terminated and the restaurant is being retrained to ensure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

According to his own twitter, he did try to steal food from Chipotle before.

Indeed they are.

It’s not clear to me why he didn’t make a GoFundMe to help him deal with having money while people think he doesn’t have money.

No one ever accused Somalis of being very bright.

Chipotle, for the sake of the presumption of innocence of one of their own managers, could have spent as much energy investigating this case as I spent investigating it, for the sake of $14.88 and my personal vendetta against Somali pirates.

The pirate has a 2016 conviction for petty theft.

I didn’t even have to get out of my chair to figure all of this out. This is some very average investigative ability, on my part.

Naturally, that means it was too hard for this dumb fronthole:

You have my permission Lauren. https://t.co/67wAbkWbOG

— Masud Ali 🍑 (@Masudaliii) November 17, 2018

It’s not clear why she even asked permission. You do not need to do that. It wastes time, and no one wants to read your story if they already read it somewhere else because you wasted time. I was really looking forward to reading whatever she was going to write, but people are already tweeting the archived tweets at her.

I assume she will write nothing, now.

They will have to give this guy his job back. I would be very surprised if they didn’t.

That is lucky for him, because if he had just honestly mistaken this Somali pirate for some other Somali pirate who did not publicly admit to personally stealing food from Chipotle, there is very little chance he would get his job back.

You see, human brains have a capacity called pattern recognition. This makes it so that if Somali pirate customers steal more food from your restaurant than non-Somali, non-pirate customers, you will recognize a pattern. This will cause you to update your expectations about Somalis, and think that future Somalis could steal your food.

However, because of Jews, we had the Civil Rights Act, so you are no longer allowed to act upon pattern recognition and learned expectations.

This creates many problems.

In order to punish Chipotle for their willingness to betray and fire their loyal employees with the presumption of guilt by the Twitter mob, I am declaring a Burrito Bowl Fatwa.

Your instructions are to cost Chipotle money, by gaming their food ordering rules to make your order as expensive as possible for them.

Tortillas, rice, beans and corn cost almost no money, and Chipotle only makes a profit because their customers choose to eat those things. Meat and fresh vegetables and tomatoes cost money, so you want to order only those.

This means steak, fajita veggies, extra fajita veggies, tomato salsa, and extra tomato salsa, and then all the spicy salsas, guacamole if you want it, jalapeños, and cilantro. They will give you extras, and they will give you jalapeños and cilantro if you ask for them by name.

Force them to fill your entire burrito bowl volume using only those ingredients. If you want to, ask for a tortilla on the side, and then throw it into the trash, with as much impact as possible (I recommend a jumping slam dunk maneuver) while staring intensely at the person who gave you the tortilla.

If they give you any problems, just take a video of the interaction with your phone, and accuse of them of racism in your best black voice. Then, upload the video to twitter with a black thumbnail, and see what happens.

A Somali pirate was sentenced Tuesday to life in prison without parole for his role in the shooting deaths of four Americans aboard their yacht off the coast of Africa.

Chief District Judge Rebecca Beach Smith ordered Ahmed Muse Salad to serve 21 life sentences in all, 19 of them consecutively, saying the hefty sentence would serve as a deterrent to other pirates. Prosecutors had originally sought the death penalty, but a federal jury refused that sentence.

Salad was one of three Somalis convicted of kidnapping, hostage taking and murder in the killing of the Americans aboard their 58-foot yacht, among other things.

Salad and the others were among 19 who boarded the yacht in hopes of taking the Americans back to Somalia so they could be ransomed for millions of dollars. The plan fell apart when the U.S. Navy began shadowing the boat. Sailors had told the pirates they could keep the yacht and a small Navy boat in exchange for the hostages, but the pirates refused to take the deal because they didn’t believe they would get enough money. Furthermore, the only person authorized to negotiate the Americans’ release was based on land in Somalia.

With the yacht nearing the Somali coastline, the destroyer USS Sterett began maneuvering between the Quest and the Somali shore when a rocket-propelled grenade was fired at it. Soon after, gunshots were fired on board the Quest.

The yacht’s owners, Jean and Scott Adam of Marina del Rey, Calif., and their friends, Bob Riggle and Phyllis Macay of Seattle, were the first Americans killed in a wave of pirate attacks that have plagued the Gulf of Aden and Indian Ocean in recent years.

Prosecutors said Salad was among a group of more aggressive pirates aboard the yacht and repeatedly fired his AK-47 at the Americans, returning to fire more shots after the initial volley of fire had ended.

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