I didn’t forget about Psycho Freedom. I was just too angry to go psycho.

But it’s back again. And we need it more than ever, because I am so sick of talking about this stupid flu virus.

One of my favorite digital illustrators is Kilian Eng, whose art you may have seen featured here before.

Among his other pursuits, Eng has devoted himself to making alternative movie posters that are better than the originals.

Here are a select few that I think you may enjoy.

Oscar-nominated actor David Carradine is most famous for dying while choking himself and masturbating in the closet of a Bangkok hotel room, which is really an epic way to die. Right up there with dying in a race car crash.

But Carradine is also famous for selling great products.

Check out this clip of him selling a hose you dance around with.

That piece of a hose makes you want to move a little, or maybe even a lot, and the more you do it the more it tells you to do that.

I don’t know if you can still get these hoses, because I need one, and I don’t think any old hose will do. I’ve seen some hoses in my time, and none of them ever told me to move around a lot. One time a hose told me to kill my wife, but I ignored it as I thought he was a bad influence.

That hose that he’s got also doesn’t have any limitations, and literally every single hose I’ve encountered has had an entire list of limitations.

I wonder if that’s the hose he used to choke himself to death during the masturbation accident?

The DVD of instructions on how to use the hose is still available on Amazon.

The reviews are excellent – literally 5 stars, and people seem really excited about this video that teaches you to slide about with this hose.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you’re gonna have a hard time finding another hose DVD on Amazon.com with reviews this positive.

It’s a little bit expensive.

But I’m going to use some of my Trumpbux to order it.

I recommend you do as well.

I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to find the proper hoses, but watching people use them is the next best thing – especially if you’re choking yourself and masturbating while watching it.

And I mean

Marissa Moses has got my attention.

The best thing after that is this kung-fu workout video from David Carradine.

I’ve never learned so much about increasing my mental powers by learning the movements of animals in my life.

This can help you replace aggressiveness with confidence, which is something I’ve been driving home for a while now. There is nothing masculine about aggressiveness, it is babyish and womanlike.

If you’re still dealing with aggressiveness, you might want to consider using your Trumpbux to buy the Kung-Fu Workout VHS tape on Amazon.com for a mere $2.25.

Other items you may want to spend your Trumpbux on include David Carradine’s AM & PM Tai Chi Workout for Beginners.

It can be purchased on Amazon.com for a mere $64.55.

This one was recorded after he starred in Quentin Tarantino’s hit film “Kill Bill,” which should put an end to rumors he was doing these workout videos and hose videos for any reason other than love of the art. He made big bucks with Kill Bill.

Thai hookers are only $30, and anyway he preferred to just masturbate.

I’m so bored of nonstop corona news that I feel like I’m going to snap.

It just never ends.

I’ll keep reporting my plague takes, but we all need a little break from this crap.

So I’m right now introducing a new item: Plague Daze. These will be items of important information that do not relate in any way to Coronavirus.

The series will be called “Psycho Freedom,” as it is introducing a brave new form of psychotic freedom. And by that, I mean freedom for your psyche. Or do I…?

I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out.

Our first Psycho Freedom item is Joe Pesci’s rap song “A Wise Guy.”

The original music video is banned from YouTube, because Pesci apparently finds it embarrassing. But a lyrics track is still up, mashed over some scenes from either Casino or Goodfellas.

Recorded in 1998, it has a beat and lyrical style that will remind you of standard black rap of that era – Run-DMC and NWA were clearly the inspiration.

Allegedly, Pesci was planning to quit Hollywood altogether and become a rap musician. I will be the first to tell you that my life would be a lot better if he’d done so. He won an Academy Award for Goodfellas, and was nominated for another this year for The Irishman.

But if he’d stuck to rap, he’d be winning something much more important than an Academy Award, which you just know some homo in Hollywood stuck up his butthole the night before it was handed to him: he would have won the hearts and minds of the people.

Imagine if instead of filming The Irishman, which was boring, Pesci had spent 2019 recording a trap album with Gucci Mane.

Gucc ain’t usually fux wif dem New Yawk niggas, but you know he gon make an ception for the Pesh.

That would have brought a lot more joy to a lot more lives than that droning 4-hour conspiracy film, which I had to watch in 39 separate sittings because I kept falling asleep.

Imagine all the blacks out on the street saying, “yeah nigga, you herd dat new Pesci? Shit is dope, nigga, that muthafocka be layin it down.”

More importantly, all the white boys would be able to take pride in their masculinity, having a role model like Joe the Wop to give them confidence in their self-image in a world where all music about sex, drugs and murder is produced by blacks.

I’ve decided to write an alternative history novel based on the premise of a universe where in 1998, Joe Pesci went full on in the rap game and took that shit to the streets.