I was watching a documentary about Super Mario Brothers, enjoying my bi-weekly* McDonald’s breakfast yesterday, and I saw that there was a special YouTube logo with eyes. It was not so long ago that I would have thought it was maybe a promo for a League of Legends tournament. But I knew it was some kind of tranny think.

I hovered over to find: “Meet the Drag Community.”

It almost made me want to cry, like a little child: “but I don’t want to meet the drag community! I want to watch Mario!”

I note that I was watching Mario when this appeared to point out the fact that there is no filter only showing this on “adult” content. The documentary is maybe for adults, but it’s family friendly. It’s not like I was watching a Cardi B ass video when this popped up.

Nothing is sacred anymore.

You can’t watch a Mario documentary on the most popular video-viewing website in the world – which positioned itself effectively as a global monopoly – without it being suggested you get into gay stuff.

With childlike wonder, I said: “I’ll bet the story of how Super Mario Brothers was made is truly magical.”

Google, the most powerful company in the world, responded:

I don’t want to suck cock, Google.

I was just here to learn about Mario, a character I have loved since I was a little kid. I remember at the Penny’s Department store, when I was probably five, when my grandma bought me the original NES that came with Mario Brothers (and Duck Hunt and that really cool gun that didn’t work). I remember being in the parking lot and her getting it out of the bag for me so I could hold it on the way home.

I’m sure this will come as a very huge surprise, but I had a sort of troubled childhood. I don’t really have very many good memories. This was one of the best. Grandma and Mario, my little sister not really understanding the importance of Mario, but just being excited I was so excited.

Now, people – “people” (Jews) – want to come into my mind, into my soul, and taint this memory with “hey, how about getting into dressing up like a woman and having anal sex? We really think you should try this.”

But then I think of something even more horrible: kids growing up today will never have a chance to form these innocent memories of grandma, sister and Mario in the parking lot of Penny’s Department Store. All of the memories of innocent, childhood joy that they should be forming are being tainted by adult homosexuals saying “hey kid, how about a shove something up your ass?”

I hate to say it, but if you think about it too long, you’ll start to wonder if it might have been better if the Holocaust actually had happened. “Maybe,” you start to muse, “horrific as it sounds, it would have been better if they’d just marched these people into fake shower rooms and gassed them.”

It just would have prevented so much human suffering if they would have been wiped out in the 1940s.

When you think about what they’re doing to kids, you just… you just have to wonder if it wouldn’t have been better if the Holocaust had been real.

The Mario Documentary

I’m sure a lot of you are wondering about the documentary itself, and my views on it. I think it was quite good, as are all the videos on the “Gaming Historian” channel.

There is a lot of footage from the late 1980s and early 1990s, from both Japan and America. What is a bit disturbing is that aside from the fashion, the Japanese look exactly the same as they do now. Americans, on the other hand, have morphed into beasts, if we compare them to what they were 35 years ago.

Japan is a developed country, which has many of the same problems that we have. Japan has a lot of plastic. They don’t use birth control pills, however, and their food is much less processed. There are probably other reasons. But it is a stark thing to notice that the Japanese in this 1980s footage look identical to Japanese now, while Americans have changed so much.

*“Bi-Weekly” as in once every two weeks. I would not eat McDonald’s twice per week. But “bi-weekly” can mean either thing.

Looking back on it now, I should have went with “fortnightly.”

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Words can’t explain how happy I am to of achieved this 180 challenge🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 A big thank you goes to everyone who helped support me through this gruelling process. After so many attempts I must say that it was totally worth the effort💪🏻 @brodiepawson @dylanpawson @ej.bne @shalebowater @asicsaustralia @pranaon #parkour #freerunning #number11 #180challange #yesboy #inspiration #motivation #nevergiveup #tickethome #glorytogod #goals #spiderman #mario #ninjaturtles

A post shared by J E S S E T U R N E R (@mrjesseturner) on Nov 14, 2018 at 1:45am PST

It doesn’t happen much anymore, but when I am impressed with something on the internet, it’s usually someone doing video game stuff in real life.

Daily Mail:

A parkour star bounds up a wall more than double his height leading fans to liken him to the video game character Mario.

Jesse Turner, from Gold Coast, Australia, is a parkour professional, free-runner and stuntman.

The first attempt shows Jesse, in his late 20s, launch himself at the marble wall in Brisbane, Queensland, yet he falls down after losing his grip on the slippery surface.

After cleaning his trainers in a sling, Jesse tries again and bounds six times between the walls.

In a third attempt, Jesse reaches the top yet slides down the wall and rolls on the ground in frustration.

After a fourth failed attempt, the camera pans to security guards who are amazed at Jesse’s will to conquer the seemingly impossible task.

In the final quest, Jesse leaps between the walls six times before clutching onto the ledge.

Jesse appears from the ledge and throws his hands up in amazement as he celebrates his parkour challenge.

Dreams do come true and there is magic in the world.

Never give up.

While Japanese are mostly honorable people, these Nintendo Japs are worse than Jews.

The entire video game industry is getting completely kiked with SJW garbage and shallow, derivative games. This is what fueled the Gamergate movement – it was initially a protest against SJW games journalists and their shady practices, but became more about the general state of the games industry.

But outside of the Alt-Right and Gamergate movements, bugmen gamers are just as dissatisfied. It’s just that they’re too cucked to articulate it, and that they have to pretend to agree with the SJW tripe that is poisoning their entertainment.

So instead, they turn to nostalgia in the form of playing classic games from the 80s, 90s and 00s.

No trannies here. Very problematic.

Nintendo, as a company, has been making mad buck out of these people, selling them the same old games over and over again. And they’ve been lapping it up.

JTGA:

Following on from the success of Nintendo’s virtual console service on the Wii U, Wii and 3DS, it seemed an inevitability that we would see the service on the Switch. Indeed, Eurogamer, who the headline of this article is referencing, told us in December 2016 that we would see GameCube games as part of that service, going as far as to say “Nintendo Switch will be able to play GameCube games via its Virtual Console service, three separate sources have confirmed.”

Of course, times change, people lie, plans are altered. With the recent statement that “There are currently no plans to bring classic games together under the Virtual Console banner as has been done on other Nintendo systems,” many people’s most anticipated announcement of E3 has, unfortunately, been killed before it began. (SIDE NOTE: We’ve published our official ‘Bets and Dreams’ for E3 2018 right here). But as has rightly been reported since by the likes of IGN, this doesn’t mean we won’t see Nintendo classics on the console (we know for a fact that we will have 20 NES games with more promised to follow), so is this really something to be upset about? Nintendo appear to be aware that it is a contentious issue, arguably hiding this information behind the release of further details about their online service and the NES games announcement.

“Contentious issue.”

Yeah, I mean, if I was the type of person to buy Super Mario Brothers four times over my lifetime, I’d probably be pretty pissed that Nintendo is planning to make me buy it a fifth time.

Exagerating? Check it:

1. Original NES release.
2. SNES re-release.
3. Game Boy Advance NES Collection.
4. Wii virtual console.
5. 3DS virtual console.
6. Wii U virtual console.
7. Switch classics.

Wow, It’s actually seven times, not five. And yes, if you bought a game for the wii, you don’t automatically get it for the 3DS and Wii U. You have to buy it over and over again.

How exciting!

I wanted to make a “Virgin virtual console vs Chad PC emulator” meme, but ain’t nobody got time for that.

Indeed, the handling of the Virtual Console service is something that arguably blighted the Wii U’s early years (as if it needed any help): all these games bought that people now have to buy again, not to mention the delays in actually releasing them. We would hazard a guess that Nintendo have used that experience and decided to go down a different route. What we are seeing with the NES titles is games with streaming support and online multiplayer (of sorts), which are extremely notable updates for such classic titles. If this sort of thing eventually comes to SNES, Nintendo 64, handheld and hopefully GameCube re-releases, then you can’t be too upset by the decision to effectively dismiss the Virtual Console brand, if that’s the cost.

This is all so retarded.

All these old consoles have been emulated perfectly for over a decade. The source code is available. Nintendo could release their entire library anytime they wanted. They’re just trying to squeeze the soyboys for maximum cash over the longest period of time, with software written decades ago.

Hey, kid! Aren’t you excited for that PONG re-release for your NES? No? But it’s a vintage classic!

Let’s face it. Do you really want to spend another £15 on the exact same port of Mario Kart 64, buying it probably for the third time in ten years?Or would you rather have a version with online multiplayer, streaming (which could be massive for Nintendo – these games are already lapped up by streamers using emulators on PC) and who knows what else? With the effort taken to put online multiplayer in, there’s no doubt that we could see other enhancements too.

Three times is probably one time too many to expect people to pay for the exact same game, and it means Nintendo can avoid the issue of allowing the transfer of existing Virtual Console games from the Wii U to Switch.

Look at all these stupid justifications these bugmen are trotting out to excuse indulging Nintendo with their bullshit.

You can already get online muliplayer and video streaming with emulators. Even a fucking pocketwatch can play Mario 64 these days. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Also, Nintendo are acting like the worst rat bastards when it comes to streaming, systematically demonetizing any video that even has a still image of one of their games, let alone a stream.

So we’re not quite smiling, but it’s not the end of the world if Nintendo do it right. We’ll see.

You’re not smiling. You’re making this face:

This wouldn’t be happing if only you ate more onions, smdh.

These people are making apologies for the fact that they’re getting repeatedly screwed over by greedy corporations, just so they can justify buying more stupid nostalgic gadgets to fill up their meaningless lives.

Don’t be like that.

Instead, just play the original DOOM in upscaled 4k.

Yes, the file from that original 1993 floppy disk still works, and it runs on everything from a phone to a gaming pc.

The end of a glorious era is upon us.

While the West was pumping out consumerist fiction featuring wealthy people surrounded by luxuries, Japan gave us a humble hero risking his life to plumb our pipes: Mario. This proved to a whole generation that doing honest manual labor wasn’t incompatible with saving the world from inter-dimensional dinosaurs and sentient mushrooms.

But somewhere along the road, Mario lost his way.

Seduced by the appeal of countless luxuries provided by his main bitch Peach and her castle, he’s abandoned his duty serving the people and their pipes.

Wow, who gets a stained glass window in their own image? Talk about being an egomaniac.

He’s even taken plumbing out of his resume, smdh.

Kotaku:

According to Mario’s newly updated, official Japanese-language profile, the iconic character isn’t working as a plumber. This shouldn’t be a total surprise, because the character seems to do everything but plumbing.

But doesn’t going down Warp Pipes count? Doesn’t appear so! Here is how the recently uploaded Mario profile explains the character:

All around sporty, whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, he [Mario] does everything cool. As a matter of fact, he also seems to have worked as a plumber a long time ago…

Mario wasn’t always been a plumber. According to Shigeru Miyamoto, the character, then named “Jumpman,” was “basically a carpenter” in 1981’s Donkey Kong, because the game takes place on a construction site.

From doing carpentry and plumbing to lounging around playing tennis and racing cars for sport… Where did it all go wrong?

We never thought things would end like this.

Remember, the Jews use riches and luxuries to help corrupt the hearts of men and bend them to their will. Greed and ambition can be the White man’s strength, but also a weakness that evil parasites will exploit to their ends.

So I’m going to go ahead and blame the Jews for this.

No, but seriously, what the hell is this crap doing at the top of Google’s news feed?

I guess the plot is to censor the entire internet and flood us with Mario related news to cover things up. If the Google news feed was assembled based on importance, the “technology” section shown above should be all about this insane wave of censorship hitting every corner of the internet as we speak. But instead, we get nonsense about Mario and Pixel phones or whatever.

None of this is surprising, of course, given that Google itself is at the core of this push for the complete shut-down of free speech on the internet.

Obviously by now Nintendo should have made Princess Peach an empowered lesbian – what are they thinking???

This white knight game reviewer Chris Suellentrop is leading a fight against Nintendo’s first Mario mobile game Super Run Mario, claiming that it’s inappropriate for children due to it’s stereotypical gender roles.

The retrograde gender politics of Super Mario Run are disappointing, even if this tweet makes me feel like a cliché pic.twitter.com/C9HsitIDn2

— Chris Suellentrop (@suellentrop) December 15, 2016

The horror of Princess Peach baking a cake.

Apparently it’s disgusting for any female to do that now. Feminism is clearly not a choice, and is something every female must submit too, otherwise they’re poison to their gender. Too bad they can’t realize it’s actually the other way around.

The Sun:

But feminists have rounded upon the game, with one writer suggesting it was time Mario was rescued BY his love interest Princess Peach, rather than going on missions to save her.

Chris Suellentrop, a top games reviewers at the New York Times, said the recent iPhone Super Mario Game was “inappropriate for children”.

“In an era where we can watch Frozen or Moana…this is not okay,” he said on his podcast, Shall We Play, according to Heat Street.

“People give Nintendo a pass because they’re family-friendly, you know what? This is not family-friendly.”

Right. I wonder what he would consider family friendly…

Like Nintendo, get with the times.

Suprisingly-Not-A-Virgin-Chris review of the game was literally published in the New York Times:

In isolation, there’s nothing wrong with princesses or baking. My daughters love those things, too.

But Super Mario Run relegates its female characters to positions of near helplessness.

So Peach can bake a cake and be a princess but she has to be the hero of the game, otherwise it’s an attack on women? It’s a very simple, straight-forward story line and is a classic. They do not need to revamp it to avoid triggering self-made victims.

And honestly, I don’t know anybody who sits down to play Mario and actually consciously thinks about this crap. Mario is not holding women back and it’s not telling little girls they aren’t worthy or good enough. Adults are telling them that by putting those ideas into their heads.

Peach and Toadette become playable only after you complete certain tasks, which makes the women in the game feel like prizes. (To be fair, the same is true of a few male characters.)

Okay? So because it also applies to male characters are you then admitting that it has nothing to do with being sexist against women? Mario is dominated by male characters, the chances of a female character being one you have to unlock is very high.

Unlocking a character is usually considered a good thing. Games have to have some sort of reward system.

If you want something to genuinely be worried about when it comes to Mario…

I think maybe Chris should reevaluate why he would put such a silly meaning behind it. I honestly feel like only someone who has a questionable outlook on women would be able to come to such warped conclusion.

Worse, should you then use Peach to defeat her kidnapper, Bowser, you’ll discover that neither Mario nor a kiss is waiting for her as a reward.

I’m sure they’d be complaining if the reward was Mario, or a kiss.

Still, lots of girls and women play video games. There are more women over 30 who play video games than boys under 18 who play, according to the industry’s lobbying arm, the Entertainment Software Association. A Pew Research Center survey published last year found that almost 60 percent of girls between the ages of 13 and 17 are gamers.

Seeing people like yourself depicted as heroic on TV and in movies and video games can have a powerful effect on viewers and players.

I don’t know how human beings survived before the days of television and video games. How did they find self worth without being depicted on a screen?!

‘Why can’t Princess Peach look like me?’

I’m not sure what’s happened to make human beings so weak and entitled that they ‘need’ to see themselves represented.

The only thing I really have to say about this is that these normies need to grow the hell up and stop pretending like there aren’t already great female characters in video games.

‘But omg, why isn’t she fat and have blue hair? Women don’t look like that.’

But despite any game makers efforts, feminists will cry and claim that they can never get it right.

Take Elizabeth from Bioshock for example.

Her role in the game is to bring Booker (the main character) back to life, open tears (a tear being a portal to an alternate universe), and hand Booker money and ammo whenever it’s needed.

If you haven’t played the game then you should know that all of those things are pretty damn important. She’s a supporting character, so just like any other supporting character her role is to back you up. This is completely normal.

Elizabeth is proof that feminists just want female supremacy, they don’t want male characters at all.
And if there are male characters, then make sure to assign them unimportant and minor roles.

Elizabeth isn’t sexualized, she’s portrayed as being a bookworm and is seen as more than a ‘romantic interest.’ I was genuinely shocked when feminists still were able to complain about her and claim she wasn’t good enough.

What did feminists really want in Bioshock? They wanted the main character to be female.

I welcome women and white knights to hit the books and make their own SJW games.

Don’t cry about an already established game franchise.

I promote rallying against a form of entertainment if there’s something actually worrying about it, however Super Mario Run couldn’t be further from worrying.

Disagree. It's the single most important issue facing civilization. Also, the op-ed is brilliant. And half of this tweet might be true. https://t.co/aQot9EYpU7

— Chris Suellentrop (@suellentrop) December 22, 2016

Hopefully 2017 gives him a whole list of triggering things to worry about.

Good luck next year, Chris!

[Editor’s Note: I played Super Mario Run and it sucks, despite having normal heterosexual gender roles. After three levels they want $10, which is insane. Playing it is like watching a video of someone playing the original Sonic the Hedgehog if all the levels were flat. Nintendo should have put that effort into a Zelda RPG, because the FF ports actually make sense on a touch screen and do not suck – they are in fact worth $7, even though the ports were sloppy. (楽しい時間を与えるためにあなたのお金を取る。 この特定の製品にリソースを無駄にするべきではありません。 購入しないことをお勧めします。 小さな豆の人ジャンパーを大いに愛していますが、道徳的には許されません。) -AA]

Fight the shutdown!

Adam Baldwin is not an especially important actor (although Firefly was the best sci-fi show ever to be canceled in one season) – a more important life accomplishment than any of his acting was coining the term “#gamergate” on Twitter. After coining the term, he was then involved in the movement.

#Gamergate was no #ArabSpring or #BlackLivesMatter, but it was one of the top ten (or so) major twitter-related movements that demonstrated the cultural relevance of microblogging site. So it is certainly a sign of the way things are going that Adam Baldwin has deleted all his tweets on Monday and announced he was permanently leaving the site due to their increasing clampdown on freedom of speech.

Baldwin, who currently stars in the TNT hit show “The Last Ship,” tells Independent Journal Review that Twitter’s new policy of punishing users for speech is “offensive” and the reason for his departure from the social platform. “I’ve had enough. Twitter is dead to me,” Baldwin tells us, “I’m going to find greener pastures elsewhere and I’m not coming back.”

Baldwin explains:

“It’s really a shame that so-called ‘liberal thinkers’ and the so called ‘tolerant crowd’ is intolerant of varying viewpoints. They’re so afraid to hear people disagree with them. Instead of ignoring it or providing their own arguments in return, they say ‘shut up!’”

Baldwin, who has nearly a quarter of a million followers, deleted his entire Twitter history Monday morning.

He did leave one tweet, calling for the resignation of Twitter’s CEO.

Hi @Twitter: Fire @jack and disband the 'Trust and Safety' Council.

Here's why:https://t.co/TwHxVGr429

— Adam Baldwin (@AdamBaldwin) February 22, 2016

Note that he also replaced his avatar with an image of Stacy McCain, who was banned last week for unclear reasons.

“This group-think, Orwellian, so-called Safety Council is really killing the wild west of ideas that Twitter was,” Baldwin laments.

…

“That’s what made Twitter fun. You could run across all sorts of differing viewpoints. That is what free speech is all about. As long as you’re not threatening people with violence, have at it.”

Baldwin cites the banning of prominent conservative tweeter Robert Stacy McCain as a major reason for leaving and points to a recent article by The Federalist for an explanation of the situation.

…

Only a few weeks earlier, Twitter had announced the creation of a “Trust and Safety Council,” to which it appointed Anita Sarkeesian, a feminist known for denouncing “sexism” in video games, a prominent figure in the Gamergate controversy—and oh yes, a frequent target of criticism from McCain. So it sure looks like the moment Twitter gave Sarkeesian the power to do so, she started blackballing her critics.

Baldwin tells us Sarkeesian’s role in the new Safety Council directly affected his decision.

“Joss Whedon got off Twitter and that really shocked me,” Baldwin says, referencing the “Avengers” director quitting the platform last year. “Sarkeesian had a big hand in Joss leaving.”

If Sarkeesian is on a rampage banning her critics, I wonder how long it will be before our friend Sargon of Akkad gets the ax? (I tried to warn him. But he just wouldn’t listen.)

Internet Court: Judge Sarkeesian actually had Mario sent to internet prison for slapping Peach’s ass. Peach giggled at the time, then showed up at the internet trial and said she liked a bit of manhandling “because it makes her feel like a lady,” but Judge Sarkeesian wasn’t having it.

Baldwin quitting is a big deal, and is getting surprisingly little media coverage.

What did get a lot of media coverage last week was Twitter executives buying their own failing stock.

Probably not a great sign that they’re resorting to these types of gimmicks.

Fox News:

In an SEC filing posted today, Twitter executive chairman Omid Kordestani disclosed he purchased 122,250 shares of Twitter at $16.34 each, increasing his stake to 522,250 shares. In another filing, Chief Financial Officer Anthony Noto bought 15,500 shares at $16.08 a piece, increasing his holdings to 1,258,828 shares.

Both executives are buying shares at a bargain. Twitter stock is down 24% year to date in late morning trading Thursday, also touching an all-time low last week.

Kordestani, who joined Twitter last fall, and Noto, are buying in during a rough patch for the social media platform. In its most recent earnings report, Twitter reported it lost users between the third and fourth quarters of 2015.

If I running a company doing as poorly as Twitter is, I would have probably chilled out on the Council of Doom. You know, at least waited until 3rd quarter to introduce it. Certainly, less freedoms and feminist witchhunts are not going to make the site more popular.

That said, these witchhuts will only initially affect a very small percentage of the userbase. However, investors are looking at this and being like “what the hell? who responds to a drop in their userbase by threatening and purging users? On a platform that was made popular by its adherence to policies of free speech being part of its image?”

When Twitter collapses, it’s going to be a major economic and social victory for freedom of speech and shitlording.

Just when you think that finally you’ve got a hold on racism, as the Blacks continue to rise up and riot against the oppressor – BOOM! – the Japs bring down the hatred on the world of video games.

Nintendo has a new Mario game out, one in which you are able to build your own worlds by drawing them. Sounds fun enough, until you learn that the experience is one of pure racism.

Business Insider:

During a meeting with Nintendo on Thursday in New York City, I tried the game and was immediately struck by the strangeness of a disembodied human hand – bearing little similarity in looks to my own – acting as a stand-in for my actual hand. Yes, I’m a white guy, but my fingers are far from long and slender (sadly).

What if I were, say, a 10-year-old black girl?Or a 30-year-old Japanese man? Or literally anything other than an adult white woman (which the hand appears to belong to)?

Given the mainstream appeal of the mustachioed hero and his ongoing battle against Bowser, you’d think Nintendo – a company that’s repeatedly shown willingness to be inclusive – would have thought of this.

Can’t believe it?

Take a look for yourself.

This is hardly surprising.

The White privileged Japanese have struggled long with deep hatreds, which they use video games to propagandize.

The Mario games have always been racist, promoting the White supremacist idea of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed princess. It is also sexist, because she needs a man to rescue her – an “alpha” Italian male at that (a not-so-subtle subtext of domestic abuse runs through the storyline as well).

Why couldn’t Mario rescue a Aboriginal Australian princess in one of these games?

Better yet, why couldn’t an Aboriginal Australian princess rescue Mario? Why does it have to be the woman that needs rescued? Women are just as strong and capable as men when it comes to jumping on mushrooms – or doing anything else for that matter.

What’s more, why is Mario not transgendered? Would the story of Mario not be enriched if the character decided start dressing up like a woman and undergo an operation to remove his penis? Are there any transgender characters in the Mario series? Are there even any homosexuals?

Now that I think of it, are there even any non-Whites, besides the villains, who appear to all be racist caricatures?

The Japanese have a long way to go to overcome their White privilege. As of now, they don’t even seem to have acknowledged it, let alone checked it.

Japan is not an affluent and technologically-advanced country because the Japanese people worked for it. Japan was built on the backs of colonialism and Black slavery. Japan needs to acknowledge that without Black Africans, they would have nothing, and they need to pay their dues.

Apparently wanting to be hip and cool like their Northern neighbors, Italy, a country not particularly known for political correctness, is moving to ban denial of the stupid lampshade hoax that the Jews have called “THE HOLOCUAST.”

The Local:

A total of 234 senators voted for the bill, while eight abstained and three voted against the new law, Il Sole 24 Ore reported.

Under the law people will face a three-year sentence for promoting, inciting or committing acts of racial discrimination based in part or entirely on the denial of the Holocaust. Crimes against humanity and war crimes are also covered in the bill, which now needs to pass through Italy’s lower house before it can become law.

The Senate vote follows revisions which lawmakers say ensure freedom of speech and the freedom to study are upheld.

Senator Giuseppe Lumia, part of the justice committee, said the vote marked a “turning point” in Italy.

“Denying the Holocaust and genocides will be punished as in so many other countries,” he was quoted in Il Sole as saying.

*Guys, not every joke on this site can be funny.  In fact, most of them are not.  If you want a site where everything is funny, please visit Something Awful.