I’ve previously attacked cruise ships as the peak of American decadence and depravity of the human soul.

Now, New York Post is taking this same position on a new beast:

The world’s largest cruise ship, which is set to launch in January, has been labeled a “monstrosity,” with critics comparing it to having the same buzz as the Titanic did on its maiden voyage.

Known as Icon of the Seas under Royal Caribbean International, this new ship is five times larger than the Titanic with an internal volume of 250,800 gigatonnes (GT) compared to 46,328 GT.

Online critics have been quick to point out how the ship, over-the-top in nature, doesn’t mean bigger is better.

“As visions of hell go, that’s pretty much the most hellish,” one person tweeted in response to a photo of the new cruise ship, while another said, “I’m sorry but this is a nightmare.”

“Every time I see a picture of the Icon of the Seas cruise ship I am filled with an intense dread,” another wrote.

“For a second I was like ‘No, the Icon of the Seas is not real, it can’t hurt you because some wacky giant cruise ship seasteading scheme goes viral every 10 months.’ But I looked it up and it turns out they actually built this one,” another person tweeted.

For the company, however, this takes travel to a new level.

“We are positioning it as the ultimate family vacation and when you step back and look at all the energy and time that has gone into creating this ship it is mind-blowing,” Royal Caribbean International president and chief executive Michael Bayley said in a statement.

I’m going to have to take the opposite position here, purely for the sake of being contrarian.

This looks like a blast to me.

It’s like the vacation equivalent of a Katy Perry song, no?

I mean – what’s not to like?

Of course faggots are going to complain about people trying to have fun.

Whiny people are a buzzkill.

Don’t let them spoil your good time.

You only live once, and you might as well live it up.

(Seriously though: don’t go on this boat. If you don’t want to deal with the blacks in Italy, Greece, or Spain, just go to Mexico or Thailand or something. Frankly, Cuba is a great option if you can get there legally. If I was going to really keep it real, I would tell you to go to the Grand Canyon or Vermont.)

But seriously: what happened to the plan for a libertarian sea-steading project where you can manufacture cocaine and shoot RPGs at each other while your child bride waves your swastika flag?

I’ve previously attacked cruise ships as the peak of American decadence and depravity of the human soul.

Now, New York Post is taking this same position on a new beast:

The world’s largest cruise ship, which is set to launch in January, has been labeled a “monstrosity,” with critics comparing it to having the same buzz as the Titanic did on its maiden voyage.

Known as Icon of the Seas under Royal Caribbean International, this new ship is five times larger than the Titanic with an internal volume of 250,800 gigatonnes (GT) compared to 46,328 GT.

Online critics have been quick to point out how the ship, over-the-top in nature, doesn’t mean bigger is better.

“As visions of hell go, that’s pretty much the most hellish,” one person tweeted in response to a photo of the new cruise ship, while another said, “I’m sorry but this is a nightmare.”

“Every time I see a picture of the Icon of the Seas cruise ship I am filled with an intense dread,” another wrote.

“For a second I was like ‘No, the Icon of the Seas is not real, it can’t hurt you because some wacky giant cruise ship seasteading scheme goes viral every 10 months.’ But I looked it up and it turns out they actually built this one,” another person tweeted.

For the company, however, this takes travel to a new level.

“We are positioning it as the ultimate family vacation and when you step back and look at all the energy and time that has gone into creating this ship it is mind-blowing,” Royal Caribbean International president and chief executive Michael Bayley said in a statement.

I’m going to have to take the opposite position here, purely for the sake of being contrarian.

This looks like a blast to me.

It’s like the vacation equivalent of a Katy Perry song, no?

I mean – what’s not to like?

Of course faggots are going to complain about people trying to have fun.

Whiny people are a buzzkill.

Don’t let them spoil your good time.

You only live once, and you might as well live it up.

(Seriously though: don’t go on this ship. If you don’t want to deal with the blacks in Italy, Greece, or Spain, just go to Mexico or Thailand or something. Frankly, Cuba is a great option if you can get there legally. If I was going to really keep it real, I would tell you to go to the Grand Canyon or Vermont.)

But seriously: what happened to the plan for a libertarian sea-steading project where you can manufacture cocaine and shoot RPGs at each other while your child bride waves your swastika flag?

Many men want to murder their filthy whore wives to protect their children. In fact, calling this “murder” is wrong, as it is actually an act of self-defense.

A cruise ship is a great place to kill that stupid traitor cunt – but you need to remember this simple rhyme:

• Smash her in the head, you’re dead
• Dump her off the side, you slide

You can easily give the sickening slut a few drinks, get to a spot with no cameras, and give her a quick “booster” off the poop deck.

This man’s wife was trying to divorce him, and he was absolutely in the right to pull the curtains on her worthless life. But he forgot that rhyme, now he’s gonna do the time.

AP:

The father of a Utah woman beaten to death by her husband on an Alaska cruise in 2017 told a judge Wednesday he would consider it justice if the man went to prison for the rest of his life.

Jeff Hunt briefly composed himself before speaking at a sentencing hearing for Kenneth Manzanares. Manzanares was married to Hunt’s daughter, Kristy, and last year pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in her death.

Hunt told U.S. District Court Judge Timothy Burgess he hopes Manzanares “gets what he deserves.”

What a horrible father.

I can pretty well guarantee this man is divorced or otherwise totally ruined by his own wife, the bitch’s mother. Why would he defend his whore daughter who is trying to destroy his grandchildren?

A good father would have pulled his son-in-law aside and said “over the side – you slide” before they left on this trip. He would want to protect his grandchildren, not his cock-crazed whore family-destroyer daughter.

Burgess heard emotional testimony from family members, including two of the Manzanares’ daughters, and legal arguments before taking the matter under advisement. He planned to announce a decision Thursday.

Manzanares, through tears, said he loved his daughters and wife, describing Kristy Manzanares as his “soul mate.” He said he hoped over time he could be forgiven and said he was sorry.

Buddy, there’s nothing to forgive.

You did the right thing.

It is the system that is wrong.

Prosecutors are seeking a life sentence, describing graphically in court documents and arguments the beating that was witnessed in part by two of the couple’s children. Manzanares’ attorneys argued that such a sentence would be excessive and in filings requested a 7 1/2 year term.

It was good he did it in front of the children – they are girls and they need to know the wages of divorce is a humiliating death.

His attorneys, in a court filing, said Manzanares had brain abnormalities that a defense expert deemed consistent with injuries caused by playing contact sports. This, combined with what was at the time an undiagnosed bipolar disorder and “a problematic combination of prescribed medication and alcohol resulted in an aberrant episode of violence,” the filing states.

Manzanares played football, wrestled and boxed when he was younger and had a history of “testosterone supplementation,” the filing stated.

Yeah, I mean – he probably couldn’t get an erection because of that, which was part of why his cock-guzzler wife was expediting the divorce.

But there is no excuse: whether you’ve got a soft wang or a rock-hard monster johnson, it’s not ever going to be enough for your whore wife.

He shouldn’t have to make excuses for putting the dick addict out of his misery.

Prosecutors disputed the defense’s medical claims and described Manzanares’ actions as intentional. Assistant U.S. Attorney Jack Schmidt sought to paint Manzanares as a bully who has had anger issues, and the act as triggered by his wife saying she wanted a divorce.

Prosecutors have said Kristy Manzanares told her husband during an argument about his behavior on the night of her death that she wanted a divorce. They also said Kenneth Manzanares had acknowledged restraining her in the past and punching holes in walls.

Defense attorneys in court filings said the couple had a “long and happy marriage” and that characterizing Manzanares “as a habitual domestic violence abuser is a false narrative.” Jamie McGrady, a federal public defender, accused prosecutors of selectively parsing details from statements made by Manzanares to try to paint such a picture.

McGrady also said Manzanares has not had disciplinary issues while incarcerated in the case and maintains a relationship with his daughters.

Manzanares’ attorneys, in court filings, said while his children hold Manzanares responsible, “they also understand that his impairments played a major factor in the events that occurred, and they have already lost one parent.”

One of his daughters, Kamryn Manzanares, reading from purple tablet paper, closed her statement to the court by telling her father she loved him.

See?

The children understand.

It’s a rough thing that their mother did what she did – but the death is much better than a divorce, where the girls would just get molested by boyfriend after boyfriend while their father was prevented by the state from protecting them.

The Bible is very clear that whores must pay the ultimate price. Kenneth Manzanares was justified under Biblical law.

Do you know what I’d do if I accidentally threw a toddler out the window of a cruise ship?

I’d devote the rest of my life to cruise ship safety, as a way to pass moral responsibility away from myself.

The Independent:

The grandfather of a toddler who fell to her death from a cruise ship while he was looking after her has been sentenced to three years of probation.

Chloe Wiegand was just 18 months old when she fell to her death from an 11th story open window on a Royal Caribbean ship docked in San Juan, Puerto Rico, in July 2019.

Salvatore Anello of Valparaiso, Indiana, pleaded guilty to negligent homicide in February 2020.

Mr Anello had originally pleaded not guilty, but changed his plea to allow the family to move forward from the tragedy.

The terms of the plea deal allow Mr Anello to avoid serving time in jail and to remain in his home state.

Mr Anello, who is colourblind, previously released a statement in which he claimed that he did not know the tinted window of the children’s play area was open, and that he lifted Chloe up to the window so that she could knock on the glass like she did at her brother’s hockey games.

He said: “I wasn’t drinking and I wasn’t dangling her out of a window.”

Attorney Michael Winkleman said at the time Mr Anello, known as Sam, changed his plea: “This decision was an incredibly difficult one for Sam and the family, but because the plea agreement includes no jail time and no admission of facts, it was decided the plea deal is in the best interests of the family so that they can close this horrible chapter.”

He added that the family want to “turn their focus to mourning Chloe and fighting for cruise passenger safety by raising awareness about the need for all common carriers to adhere to window fall prevention laws designed to protect children from falling from windows”.

Well bro, no one else did this. Most people would maintain a hold on the child, even if they thought there was a window – otherwise you would be throwing the child up against the window.

Anyway, the reason I wanted to bring you this story today is that it’s bizarre and surreal. But furthermore: just remember that things could always be worse. Could you imagine having to live the rest of your life with the fact you threw a child out the window of a cruise ship? Even if you could manage the guilt, no one would be able to view you as anything other than the guy who threw a baby out the window of a cruise ship.

The other reason I wanted to bring this story up is that it’s not just babies that can disappear off the side of a cruise ship. WINK WINK WINK. If your wife ever tries to divorce you, she will still be also trying to suck as many emotional resources out of you as she can on the way out. So you can say “baby, let’s go on this cruise, and see if we can’t fix things.” And you can fix things alright. WINK WINK WINK WINK WINK WINK. You get on as two, leave as one. Where is that woman? Oh, the stupid bitch must have gotten drunk and fallen off of the boat!

What a silly ending for such a stupid slut. Oh well, I guess I get to keep my money, my house, and my children!

What do you guys think about tossing people off of cruise ships? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to like and subscribe if you want to keep seeing more fun content like “man pleads guilty to accidentally throwing toddler out the window of a cruise ship.” Alright, we’ll see you next time on “Practical Solutions to Woman Problems.”

The cruise ship industry is the first industry we are admitting has been completely wiped out by the coronavirus hoax.

ABC News Australia:

Cruise ships are being dismantled and sold as scrap metal due to the coronavirus pandemic all but destroying the global cruise industry.

Earlier this month, aerial footage shot by drones showed workers stripping walls, windows, floors and railings from several vessels docked in Aliaga, a town 45 kilometres north of Izmir on Turkey’s west coast.

Three more ships are set to join five already being dismantled.

Chairman of a ship recycling industrialists’ association, Kamil Onal, said before the pandemic Turkey’s ship-breaking yards typically handled cargo and container ships.

“But after the pandemic, cruise ships changed course towards Aliaga in a very significant way,” he said.

I am not a fan of the cruise ship industry, and in fact find it to be utterly decadent, depraved and sick. As I age, more and more I’m coming to terms with the reality that you simply cannot give peasants a bunch of money and tell them to do whatever they want with it.

If you’re going to raise up peasants, you have to do it over a period of generations. You have to make them work for it. You cannot do what was done with the boomers, and just say, “okay, you’re all rich now.”

That’s how you get Van Halen.

It’s how you get Woodstock and everything else. Peasants will just say: “WOOOOOOOO! LET’S ALL GET DRUNK AND HAVE SEX! NO ONE IS TELLING US WE CAN’T! LET’S JUST DO DRUGS AND GET NAKED AND HAVE SEX! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Then, when they get older, they’ll say “LET’S ALL PACK INTO A GIGANTIC BOAT, INTO THESE TINY LITTLE ROOMS AND GO AROUND TO THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES AND GET RIPPED OFF ON STUPID TRINKETS! AND THE BOAT – WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT – THE BOAT WILL HAVE A POOL SO IT’S LIKE YOU’RE SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN BUT IT’S IN A POOL! WE’LL PACK IN LIKE INSECTS SO WE DON’T FEEL LONELY! NO ONE IS TELLING US WE CAN’T – WOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

But that isn’t the point here.

The point is, whatever the tastefulness or morality of this industry, it is an entire industry which is being destroyed. The other industry they are preparing to admit is gone forever is slightly less obscene – the movie theater industry.

Next, they’re going to have to admit that commercial air travel is basically done.

The world is getting very small, very fast. And not in the hippy-happy sense of “we’re all connected now!”

Rather, it’s getting smaller in the sense of the trash compactor on the Death Star.

Hong Kong only kept their walking corpses aboard the floating grave for 4 days.

South China Morning Post:

All passengers and crew members on the World Dream cruise ship quarantined in Hong Kong can leave the vessel on Sunday, with control measures completed, health authorities said.

Crew members on board, who possibly had contact with eight passengers infected with the coronavirus on a previous trip, tested negative for the disease. The results mean some 3,600 people forced into quarantine for more than four days can now leave the ship.

“All samples taken from crew members tested negative for coronavirus, therefore all health quarantine measures are completed,” according to a message broadcast by the Department of Health on the cruise, and obtained by the Post.

The World Dream left Hong Kong for Taiwan on February 2 carrying more than 1,800 passengers and about the same number of crew members.

It returned to the Kai Tak Cruise Terminal on Wednesday after being turned away by Taiwanese authorities following the discovery that it had carried passengers infected with the virus during an earlier trip between Hong Kong and Vietnam.

Meanwhile, those aboard the cruise ship docked in Japan remain locked down on the infected boat, breathing recycled air that is sure to infect them all.

I personally don’t care, because cruise ships are absolutely vile and obscene and I think that anyone who would get on one deserves to die.

What sort of intelligence does a person have if they think it sounds like a good idea to get on a gigantic motel casino and float around?

This is truly like a floating trailer park. Or a floating section 8 complex.

Boomers truly have no taste, and this is something they should be punished for.

As far as any of us are aware, the Coronavirus cannot infect white people.

But neither the media nor the government will tell us whether or not anyone other than Asians has contracted the virus. All indications are to the contrary.

I’m sure these whites trapped on the Corona Cruise would like to know that information. But they apparently don’t get to know that, because if it was announced that Coronavirus only infects Asians, that would lead people to believe that there are differences between races, which is something that only bucktoothed inbred trailer parkers believe.

Fox News:

Passengers Milena Basso and her husband Gaetano Cerullo are calling for help from President Trump after being trapped on a Diamond Princess cruise ship off the coast of Japan with at least 61 positive cases of coronavirus.

The newlyweds — on their honeymoon — are two of more than 2,000 passengers who have been held on the ship since Tuesday.

Wow, a honeymoon on a cruise.

That is really trashy and basically these people deserve this.

Appearing on “America’s Newsroom” with host Ed Henry, the couple said that while their physical health is “pretty good,” mentally they are “not so great.”

Additionally, the pair told Henry they were disheartened to learn that updates were coming faster from their parents and news outlets than from those on the ship itself.

“So, basically, I know what’s going on before they even tell us from our parents at home…and, they update us but it’s always been very lagged,” said Cerullo.

“It’s been vague up until maybe today — not, like, thorough as it should be. So, we were a little concerned about that,” Basso interjected.

The two reported they were already experiencing trouble getting food and water on the ship, which Basso guestimated produces around 22,000 meals per day and has five dining halls.

Ugh.

It’s just obscene.

They have to stop building these boats.

There just is no excuse.

“I don’t know how many people have been on a cruise, but you can eat a lot of food pretty fast. Once the quarantine happened, what we could eat basically went downhill,” said Cerullo.

“The first day when we asked for two bottles of water it took four hours and the next day we got two cups,” he added.

The infections on the Diamond Princess reportedly originated from one passenger who got on the ship in Yokohama on Jan. 20 and disembarked in Hong Kong on Jan. 25, according to the cruise line statement. Princess Cruises said he didn’t visit the ship’s medical center to report any symptoms or illness.

Officials began screening guests on Monday with what the couple said was an ear thermometer without a disposable tip.

The Diamond Princess ship is part of the Princess Cruises line, which is owned by British-American Carnival Corporation.

“Diamond Princess” sure is an appropriate name.

It would also work as the nickname of a woman with six kids by five different men.

Don’t ever go on a cruise ship, guys. If you’re poor and you want to have a vacation, figure something else out. There are lots of creative options, including backpacking and staying in hostels. You can also drive to nearby State or National Parks and get a cabin or camp. There is dignity in that.

There is no dignity in a cruise ship.

And with the way things are going, there are likely to be more and more of these plagues in the future, and you might well end up getting what you deserve.

Cruise ships and horrible viruses make for a great, solid base for a plot.

Throw quarantine into the mix and you’ve got yourself a formula with which you can’t really go wrong.

AP:

Large white sheets covering them head-to-knee, people infected with a new virus were led by gloved and masked officials Wednesday off a Japanese cruise ship, while the rest of the 3,700 people on board faced a two-week quarantine in their cabins. In Hong Kong, more than 3,600 people on another cruise ship were to be screened after it was banned by Taiwan amid growing worry about the spread of an outbreak.

The ships are caught up in a global health emergency that seems to worsen by the day. The little-understood coronavirus has killed nearly 500 people, mostly in mainland China, but it has also spread panic and anger around the world as the cases grow.

This is basically what is happening there right now.

In the port city of Yokohama, just outside Tokyo, health workers, some in protective white jumpsuits, transferred 10 patients from the Diamond Princess cruise ship to a Japanese coast guard boat next to it. The 10, covered in sheets to protect their identities from cameras, were taken to a dock and put on ambulances bound for hospitals for treatment in isolation.

Health Minister Katsunobu Kato said all of the people on board will be quarantined on the ship for up to 14 days under Japanese law. The ship had 2,666 passengers and 1,045 crew members. Tests were pending on 273 people who had symptoms or had contact with a man who was diagnosed with the virus after leaving the ship in Hong Kong.

Paul and Jacqui Fidrmuc from the Australian city of Cairns told Australia’s Nine Network that they are grateful they have a balcony in the cabin where they’re confined.

“We’re here for a long haul. I think it is going to get a little bit testing, obviously. But I don’t know. What do we do? We couldn’t jump out of the boat; that’s a bit cold,” Jacqui Fidrmuc said.

David Abel, another Australian, told the network he hadn’t eaten since the previous night. “I’m a diabetic and I’m insulin dependent. If I do not receive food soon, I will be in a diabetic coma, but it’ll be too bloody late.”

It’s already too bloody late for you, buddy.

The virus has already taken over.

The infections on the cruise ship raised Japan’s total to 34 cases. South Korea and Thailand reported recent cases among people who had not been to China, raising concerns about how easily the virus might be spreading in other places.

…

Dr. David Heymann, who led the World Health Organization’s response to the SARS outbreak, said it’s too early to tell when the new coronavirus will peak, but that it appears to still be on the increase.

Everyone’s going to die, roughly speaking.

If this virus was deployed against the Chinese people and doesn’t currently infect non-Asians, the Chinese will eventually figure out both the fact that they were attacked and that they can make a similar weapon of their own to take revenge and target whites.

Could coronavirus, for some reason, be actually intended to bait the Chinese into developing and deploying an anti-white virus?

It would certainly be easier to develop a virus that only targets whites in a place like China than it would be to try that in the land of white people, just as it would be easier to develop a virus that only targets Asians outside of Asia.

In other words, it would be easier to get white people on board with developing an anti-Asian virus than it would be to get whites to develop an anti-white virus.

Deploying such a virus once would mean that whoever’s targeted will be highly incentivized to develop a counterpart that targets their enemies.

Pay for one, get the other one for free.

Can you imagine a more horrible fate than being forced to slowly die off aboard a cruise ship?

I would rather die in like, a junkyard.

Or, for that matter, a Chinese container ship.

Fox News:

About 5,023 passengers and 1,628 crew aboard Costa Cruises’ Costa Smeralda ship were being held in an Italian port after a passenger from Macau, China, came down with flu-like symptoms on Wednesday night amid the ongoing coronavirus outbreak.

A Costa Cruises spokesperson confirmed to Fox News on Thursday that sanitary protocol has been activated after a 54-year-old woman fell ill aboard the Smeralda ship, which had sailed from Mallorca, Spain, to Civitavecchia on a weeklong Mediterranean cruise.

The spokesperson said that the sick passenger was placed in isolation in the ship’s hospital last night along with her travel companion, amid concerns that she may be infected with the deadly coronavirus during the global outbreak. The woman’s companion has no symptoms, The Associated Press reports.

As of Thursday morning, Smeralda passengers are being kept on board, pending checks, to determine the type of virus. According to The Telegraph, if the woman indeed has the coronavirus, passengers and crew could be quarantined for two weeks aboard the ship.

“As soon as the suspected case was detected, the Medical Team on board immediately activated all the relevant health procedures to promptly isolate and manage the clinical condition,” the Costa rep said in a statement. “The Health Authority has been immediately notified and is now on board to conduct all the pertinent measures.”

Seven thousand people on a boat.

Can you imagine anything in the universe more disgusting?

Cruise liners are the absolute epitome of the vulgar peasant decadence of the boomer untermensch.

If you want to understand the boomer race, you must understand this: these are a race of peasants who had extreme amounts of wealth dumped on them. Having not been accustomed to wealth, they used that wealth in the most obscene ways.

The parents of the boomers were farm peasants or urban proletariat. After the war, they became immediately rich. And having no background in how you are supposed to raise children in a situation of wealth, they spoiled their children, and created a race of people who believe that everything should be given to them in great abundance, because since infancy, everything was given to them in great abundance.

The boomer race believed that the whole universe exists for the sole purpose of bringing them personal happiness. So they lived their entire lives doing nothing other than satisfying their most base desires.

But it is the nature of these desires that is truly a crime against the order of nature. They did not use their wealth to get into water polo, to taste the finest of wines and cheese, or to uncover the true answers to the ancient mysteries.

Oh no.

They used their wealth to become obese, to buy huge televisions, to buy huge pick-up trucks, to buy huge lawnmowers and to go on huge boats with thousands of other people.

Just please, watch this ad.

And then imagine seeing this ad and saying “:DDDDDDDDD.”

The patrician traveler seeks to experience elements of the cultures he is visiting. The unwashed plebeian boomer seeks only to go in a hotel room on a gigantic boat and stop for a few hours in various places around the world. He will gawk at foreign sights that he does not understand, then he will return to his floating hotel with his compatriots and discuss his bewilderment at his lack of understanding of what he saw.

He should have remained on the farm or in the factory, but with the world at his fingers, he decided to climb into a floating hotel.

But now, that floating hotel may become his coffin.

Because the globalism he has funded through his gross selfishness has created a global plague.

When he reaps what he has sown, however, he will not know that he is reaping what he’s sown. He will simply feel self-pity and even more confusion as he is consumed by the Coronavirus.

A typical British man [STOCK PHOTO].

As is typical of the British, another guy fell off another boat.

This boat:

Imagine falling off of a boat that size.

Imagine falling off of anything high-up, in fact.

Why would you do that?

How does it happen? 

Lots of people have high-up balconies on which they have drinks regularly. People get drunk at the now globally ubiquitous annoying and gay trendy rooftop bars. People are not falling off of these things. Not even the Australians fall off roofs.

But somehow, every single week I hear of some British tosser falling off a cruise ship.

BBC:

A 20-year-old British cruise ship entertainer is missing after going overboard on Christmas Day, operator Royal Caribbean has said.

The US Coast Guard said it was searching for Arron Hough, who went missing from the Harmony of the Seas.

The vessel was 267 miles northwest of Aguadilla, Puerto Rico, at the time.

Mr Hough’s talent agency Russell Smith Associates tweeted that it was shocked and saddened by the news concerning the graduate of London’s Urdang Academy.

The college tweeted that staff were praying for Mr Hough and his family.

A Royal Caribbean spokesman confirmed a member of the entertainment team had not reported to work as scheduled on Tuesday, with the ship en route to Philipsburg, St Maarten.

“We are saddened to report that after a review of the ship’s closed-circuit camera footage, he was observed entering an area on Deck 5 at around 4am and was not seen again,” the spokesman said.

OH MY GOD I CANNAE BELIEVE IT LADDIE.

Except that I can believe it, because it happens every week.

This problem is so big now that Australians – while not themselves being stupid enough to fall off a boat – are brilliantly exploiting the phenomenon to kill their wives.

In reality, it may be that most of the British cases are also murders.

Also, Aaron Hough might have killed his own self because he is a fit lad with a fat lass.

Seriously.

Be handsome and fit, they said.

Get a striped shirt they said.

Be an entertainer they said.

Then you’ll finally get a nonfat girl they said.

She won’t look like an overweight version of the xenomorph from Alien they said.

She won’t fuck your friends they said.

Imagine finding out that it was all a lie.

I’d be exiting deck five too if I had that beached whale on my ship.

He was just in Puerto Rico, probably saw some spicy latinx.

And then looked at the xenomorph face.

And the sagging gut and waterbed thighs.

And was like “yo, if this is the level that the white man has sunken to, I’m out.”

I want to be clear that I am blaming all white women for all white male suicides.