I blame plastic.

And marijuana.

Fox 5:

American baby boomers scored lower on a test of cognitive functioning than did members of previous generations, according to a new nationwide study by researchers at Ohio State University.

The study’s author, Hui Zheng, an associate professor at the university, researched data from over 30,000 Americans who participated in the 1996 to 2014 Health and Retirement Study, conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research.

The study, published in the Journals of Gerontology, described how the average cognition scores of adults aged 51 and older have been improving from generation to generation, starting with the greatest generation (born 1890-1923) to war babies (born 1942-1947).

…

Participants were asked to complete a cognitive test in which they had to recall words they had heard earlier, count backward, name objects they were shown and perform other tasks. The summary cognition score ranged from 0 to 35, with a greater number points reflecting better cognitive functioning.

The university said Zheng also compared cognitive scores within each age group across generations so that scores would not be skewed by older participants with poor cognition.

Even with that comparison, baby boomers still had the lowest scores.

Zheng looked for indicators and similar patterns across the participants in the study.

“Cognitive functioning has declined in Baby Boomers after several decades of favorable trend from the Greatest Generation to War Babies, and this decline is universal for all the subgroups (gender, race, education, income, wealth),” Zheng said.

I’m sure that millennials are going to be a lot worse.

A lot worse indeed.

This is what happens.

This is opening a whole new world of possibilities.

Artificial intelligence is making fast progress these days, and is seeing more and more cool applications. This progress is sure to continue for the foreseeable future, although the technology does have some long-term limitations.

But probably the biggest problem with AI is that it’s cheating us out of the future’s most exciting technology: brain robots.

It’s universally agreed upon that robots are cool. But what’s even cooler is brain robots.

Thankfully, we have the best minds working hard to overcome all obstacles to achieving this wondrous technology.

Live Science:

Miniature brains grown in the lab have moved one step closer to resembling the real thing.

Scientists have succeeded in nurturing the growth of blood vessels in minibrains that were developed from human stem cells, and they grew both the minibrain and the blood vessels from stem cells that originated from the same patient, according to a new study.

It’s smaller than a pea, but it’s still a brain. Could be used to write jokes for John Oliver or whatever.

The simplified, tiny organ, or organoid, was grown in the lab and coated with endothelial cells — specialized blood vessel cells — then transplanted into a mouse for two weeks. During the minibrain’s time in vitro and then in a living body, the endothelial cells grew into blood vessels and even capillaries, poking their tendrils into the organoid’s inner core, the study authors reported. (Capillaries are very fine, narrow blood vessels.)

Despite what their name implies, lab-grown minibrains aren’t miniature versions of a working brain. Rather, they’re functioning, microscopic models of a brain — up to a few millimeters in length — with 3D structure and containing a variety of brain cells that can transmit chemical messages, Live Science previously reported.

This is pretty cool stuff. And surprisingly, this could even have applications beyond brain robots.

Think about it.

We could connect these brains directly to the internet and have them shitpost on social media and message boards.

Can you imagine the glory of a brain genetically tailored for optimal shitposting ability? This is the future.

Once grown in the lab, minibrains typically reach their maximum size after a few months. And though the organoid can survive in the lab for over a year, the cells at the center of the brain blob often die because they don’t receive enough oxygen or nutrients, the researchers wrote in the study.

That’s where blood vessels come in: Blood vessels could not only help the minibrain survive by delivering vital oxygen and nutrients, but could also encourage it to keep growing. So, the scientists set out to investigate whether vascular cells would be able to penetrate deeply enough into the minibrain to nourish its innermost layers — and if they could do so without disrupting the organoid’s growth.

Man, this is some mad scientist shit right there. I love it.

All hail our new lab-grown brain overlords!

Probably the most interesting application will be prosthetic replacement brains, for which there is great demand. Well, I guess the ones who need it don’t demand it, but still.

It could make the world a much better place.