None of This Even Matters
It should be obvious though apparently it isn’t: none of the things that are happening actually even matter to the individual, because the future is already written, at least in…
Alex Jones Accidentally Added to Group Chat of Sandy Hook “Dead Kids”
NEWTOWN, CT—In a plot twist even QAnon couldn’t predict, conspiracy king Alex Jones was accidentally added to a private group chat of the supposed “Sandy Hook victims”—who, it turns out, are not only alive, but thriving, gossiping about HBO’s The…
Timothée Chalamet Accidentally Added to Chicago Gang’s Group Chat
CHICAGO, IL—Hollywood’s favorite sensitive artiste Timothée Chalamet found himself in deep, deep trouble this week after being mistakenly added to the “Rollin’ 60s Crips” group chat—and emerging with the explosive…
Neo-Nazi Accidentally Added to Israeli Cabinet Chat, Posts Hyper-Pro-Jewish Propaganda – And They Loved It
JERUSALEM—In a bizarre twist on the world’s worst security breach, notorious neo-Nazi and former Daily Stormer CEO Andrew Anglin spent three weeks trolling Israel’s top-secret War Cabinet chat—flooding it with…
Rubio’s Secret Lifestyle Exposed After TikTok Star Accidentally Added to “Gay Foam Party” Group Chat
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A highly classified group chat belonging to Secretary of State Marco Rubio has been blown wide open—revealing the top diplomat’s secret all-male, invitation-only foam parties after TikTok’s The Rizzler…
“Bombarded with Dick Pics”: Hegseth Continues Feud with Atlantic’s Goldberg in Text War
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is embroiled in a bombshell harassment scandal after bombarding The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg with graphic images and abusive messages – all stemming from Goldberg’s accidental…
Pikachu Accidentally Added to Goku’s Warrior Group, Sends Dragon Ball World Into Tailspin
KAME HOUSE, EARTH—The Dragon Ball universe was thrown into madness this week when a dimensional glitch accidentally added Pikachu to Goku’s elite “Z-Fighter Battle Plans” group chat—leading to the most…
Hamas Issues Denouncements After Jerry Seinfeld Accidentally Added to Group Chat
GAZA/JERUSALEM—In a bizarre twist no sitcom could script, Hamas commanders lost their minds this week after accidentally adding Jerry Seinfeld to their top-tier terror cell Signal group—only to emerge even…
New Era of Daily Stormer Launches Tomorrow!
After concentrated thinking and reflection, I’ve decided to relaunch the Daily Stormer with a slightly new format. Today is the first day of the new era, but actually, it is…
I Can’t Produce Anything Interesting Right Now
The level of burnout I’m experiencing has only now become obvious to me. Working for 60-80 hours a week for nearly 12 years without breaks was not really a great…